The 12 Stages Of Personal Hell When A Show Gets Cancelled

Via: Savage Chickens

We’ve all been there, one of our favourite shows on TV gets canned. It may have been on the air for a long time or more likely, not a long time at all. We all know that TV shows get cancelled for a reason, normally it’s low ratings, failure to find its target demographic (e.g. Futurama on FOX) or just general crapiness of the show.

In any case, devoted fans continue to hold the candle for many years after the shows passing. For the rest of us, we go through a series of stages as we slowly realise that our favourite escape from this cruel, cruel world will no longer be a part of our lives, well, new episodes anyway.

So, for your personal benefit, below are the stages. Know them, prepare for them, because at any moment you may find yourself having to go through them. It could be anything, your favourite drama or the Cruft’s Dog Show, you just never can tell. For your gratuitous pleasure, I have added some enlightenment for each of the stages in the form of the potential inner monologue you may have as you go through the stages.

Stage 1: Disbelief

I can’t believe it, they did it, they really did it. How could they, I mean, it was a good show. At least I liked it, doesn’t that count for anything any more?

Stage 2: Denial

They didn’t cancel it, it must have been a mistake. Networks make them all the time, like paying huge bucks to evening news anchors even though no-one watches the evening news any more. Ha ha, I bet it’s all a big joke and that press conference they’re having tomorrow will say so.

Stage 3: Fear

What if it’s true though, maybe they really did cancel it. What will I do now? What can I possibly fill the half hour/hour of my life with now? I might have to read a book, or worse yet, talk to the wife! AHHHHH!

Stage 4: Anger

Wait a minute, how DARE they put me through this. it’s not my fault the show got binned, it must be some stupid writer somewhere in Hollywood. All those network types are eejits anyway, they wouldn’t know a good show if it bit them in the ass. I ougha write them a letter an tell them a thing or two. I’ll sho ’em who’s boss, that’s right me!

Stage 5: Bargaining

Perhaps I can reason with them, y’know strike a deal. You put my favourite show back on, and I’ll agree to continue watching your network. Otherwise, I will be forced to watch my DVDs for comfort and not, I repeat NOT, be seduced by what you’ve put in my favourite show’s place.

Stage 6: Shame

Oh man, what if people find out I watched that show? I’d better not let them find that out. I’ll just stick to the forums on the internet. No-one knows who I really am there. I mean, it’s OK for a middle-aged, single guy to like Dirty Little Liars, right?

Stage 7: Depression

[sigh] Maybe it’s just not going to come back. My life has lost all meaning now. I mean, that show was the one thing that kept my life together, gave it meaning and truly spoke to me. Where can I find a source of psychological nourishment now? I may as well pack up and move back in with my parents. I’m sure my wife will understand, even though she doesn’t watch TV and thinks it’s the spawn of Satan.

Stage 8: Self-pity

I’m so pathetic, I don’t even know why I like stupid shows like that.

Stage 9: Out-of-body Experience

Man I really need a haircut and some new jeans, just look at that hole just above the knee.

Stage 10: Empty Feeling

Stage 11: Looking Ahead

Well, I suppose it isn’t all that bad at all, I mean, I had a favourite show before this one, and it was cancelled, then I found this one. So I’m sure a new one will come along and be better than ever, with better writing, hotter actors/actresses and plenty of American optimism that just doesn’t seem to exist in foreign programming.

Stage 12: Secret Hope

I think they’ll bring it back, I mean you just can’t keep a good show down. Family Guy did it, Futurama did it (and who the hell watches that, only the geeks and the nerds, that’s who) so there is surely a chance for Midwest/California Angsty Teen Drama With 20-Something Actors/Actress.

For fun, why don’t you list your favourite, cancelled TV shows below 🙂

EDIT: You may notice that the steps above are identical to another series of steps as outlined in a certain comic artist whose surname rhymes with complaining. I intended this as an in-joke 🙂

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